Tuesday, January 14, 2020

looking back on the decade


At the start of 2010, I was 18 and a half years old, going into my second semester of college at the University of South Florida. I was living in a dorm room, about to rush a sorority (unbeknownst to me, truthfully), and working as a hostess at The Cheesecake Factory. My hair was box-dyed dark, I was just a few months away from starting a health kick that would cause me to lose almost thirty pounds, and I hung out with a lot of people who weren't really my friends, while also maintaining a solid group of people who actually were

Losing all that weight left me in a complicated head space that I battled on and off for a couple of years. I became lactose intolerant(ish), which threw my body and my brain for a loop as I tried to re-learn what I could eat, while figuring out what was healthy for me to eat, and what that actually meant, period. I became obsessive about everything that went into my body, which was a fight that I thankfully overcame within a year or so.

I kissed a lot of frogs, and looking back, had questionable taste in men. I accepted far less than what I deserved, but I think most everyone does in their early 20s. At my worst, I was vindictive. I sought revenge. I let people walk all over me. I had a lot of fun, and I spent too much time with guys who would never matter. I had a few boyfriends, who taught me what I want and ultimately, what I didn't want out of a relationship. Early in the decade, I met a man at a bar who would, by the end of the decade, become my husband.

I went into the decade majoring in mass communication, with an idea that I wanted to work in magazines, or become an actress one day, while doing absolutely nothing productive toward either dream. Instead, I worked in restaurants and took on scattered types of internships with no real idea of how to become what I thought I wanted to be. I worked in sales until deciding to go back to school for speech-language pathology, got a master's degree, and started my dream job nearly right out of the grad program.

Having lived in a state where humidity is a continuous season for my entire life, I had dreams to move out of state. I thought about California, thought about Chicago, thought about literally any place that could give me something different than what I'd grown up around. I applied for graduate schools out of state, but remained in Tampa, just thirty minutes outside of my hometown, where we'll likely buy our first house.

Things happened a little differently than I envisioned, and like most, I'm so happy with the outcome. I'm a lot different at 29 than I was at 19, as I should be, and for that I am thankful. I work out to stay healthy and feel good in my clothing, not because I feel I need to look a certain way. I'm working a job that I had no idea about at the start of 2010, that I now love. I'm married to the love of my life; someone who makes me better just by being themselves. I've had plenty of difficult moments, weeks, and months. I've been stressed out and broken down and at my worst. But at the risk of sounding boastful, I closed the decade feeling ridiculously happy, fulfilled, and secure.

How did you feel about the last 10 years?




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Saturday, January 4, 2020

going into 2020


As I get older, I've grown to love the start of a new year. Not in a "new year, new me" sense, but because I like the idea of a fresh start. New months to create new memories, to begin new journeys, to plan new adventures. I've had a pretty slow start to the year, and it has been so good for my soul.

We woke up late on New Year's Day after having a tad too much fun on New Year's Eve. I made pancakes and coffee, and Ryan made make-shift curtains out of blankets to block out the sun's glare while we binge-watched our remaining seven episodes of You on Netflix, taking a break only to pick up Thai food and take the dogs on a two mile walk around the neighborhood. It was quiet and lazy and perfect.

I haven't put a lot of thought into my New Year's Resolutions just yet. I like the idea of coming up with a word, but I'm having trouble committing. Right now, these words are floating around in my head:

- intentional
- confident
- adventure
- create
- habit
- grow

...or can my word just be "house," because that's our biggest goal of the year? 2020 is the year we finally hop out of this adorable shoebox of an apartment. It's been real and it's been nice, but having storage space and a bigger kitchen will be real nice. 

Goal wise, I have just a few:

- Read 12 books. My goal for the past two years (that I haven't hit for the past two years) has been 25 books, but truthfully, I didn't like the pressure of having to speed through a book just to get to the next one. I get using a number as a motivator to get yourself to read, but I want to thoroughly enjoy a story just for the sake of reading, so I changed it up a little this year.
- Attend one class at the gym per week. Because who doesn't love organized sweating? Just kidding. But it's nice to just be able to walk into the gym and not think about what to do, ya know?
- Be more intentional about what I put in my closet. This means not buying clothing on a whim just because I like it, but thinking about what actually looks good on me, what will hold up, and what I'll still like in the years to come.

Going into 2020 feels kind of strange, because 2019 was such a big year for us. It was the year we finally got married. I started working for a new organization, and learned more about my field and myself as a speech pathologist than I ever could have imagined. It was a year full of wedding planning, celebrating, and learning, and I think this year will look a lot different for the simple fact that we aren't planning a wedding anymore. I'm a bag of mixed emotions about that, although about 98% of that bag is filled with relief...ha!

How's your start to 2020? Have you chosen a word, or set any resolutions?




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