Thursday, September 6, 2018

on negative self-talk & reaching your goals.


I never thought I was a victim of "negative self-talk." That's not to say I don't have my own personal struggles; everyone does. But I didn't look at my list of "life goals" and think that I fell into the category of, "I suck at this, I'm not good enough, etc" because what's there to get down about? All of my goals were safe, attainable, manageable (get a job, buy a house, etc.).

Then I would read my friend's blog posts about writing down goals, reaching for the stars, going after what you want, etc. and I would think to myself, "well, that doesn't pertain to me. I don't have any big, unreachable dreams."

YIKES, I hate even typing that out...but hear me out.

Growing up, I wanted to be an actress. Actually, I just wanted to be Hilary Duff, but that's beside the point. I wanted to act. I took acting classes, signed up for drama every semester in high school, even begged my mom let me join one of those scammy "agencies." I looked up auditions for random stuff on craigslist, trying to work my way in.

My parents, however, are realists in the truest sense. They weren't about to up and move me to Los Angeles to pursue a far-out dream in my early teenage years (ahem, Taylor Swift's parents). I was constantly reminded that breaking into the acting world was beyond difficult, pretty much impossible. It wasn't that my parents were telling me, "you can't do it." But on the same hand, they weren't telling me that I was going to be the next Julia Roberts, so inevitably, we fought about the state of my stardom (or severe lack thereof). Long story short, they said finish college first and see what happens.

Based upon the sole fact that I've probably never mentioned acting on this blog, I think you'll find that I didn't pursue it. I'm not entirely sure what happened along the way. Maybe I got distracted by boyfriends and jobs. A part of me feels like, because it didn't fall into my lap, I let it fall to the wayside. It got too scary, or too difficult, or felt too far-fetched. And along the way, I became the kind of person who scoffed at my own dreams and said "right, good luck with that."

Again, YIKES. 

Acting is one thing. But what I haven't realized until very recently is that my scoffing takes on many forms in my daily life. A little voice in my head will tell me "oh no, we're not cut out for that," or "nope, can't handle it." My own personal brand of negative-self talk! I've told myself that I'm not cut out for the medical side of speech-language pathology, even though I successfully completed an internship at a hospital and maintained a complete caseload by myself. I've told myself that I could never sell art, or write a real book, or do anything outlandish when in truth, it's because I haven't actively tried for more than an hour, or a week. That is negative self-talk, if I've ever heard it. And I'll tell you what...

I'm over it.

Granted, I don't want this post to cast me in an entirely negative, lazy light. Let the record show that, for the last three years, my goal was to get into graduate school, graduate with a master's degree, and become a speech-language pathologist. All of which (da-da-da-daaaa) have been accomplished. But now I'm in the market for new dreams, and I'm in the process of figuring out what those are, whether they're easily attainable or totally outlandish. And once I figure that out, I want to start taking steps to really pursue them.

Because the truth is, the people who consistently pursue their seemingly "out-of-reach" dreams are a hell of a lot closer to reaching them than the people who sit around and wait for things to happen. In this day and age, we very often see someone's highlight reel with a less-well documented struggle. A thriving actor may have taken hundreds of minuscule roles before landing even a supporting role.  A watercolor print artist may have spent thousands of hours mixing colors and trying different techniques before something finally stuck and someone took notice. An author may write ten 500-page books before writing one that really "speaks" to the public.

My point (mostly to myself, but also to you): don't listen to the little voice inside your head telling you that you aren't cut out for something. You are literally the only thing stopping you. Scribble down your goals, think about what you need to get there, and just start. 






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Friday, August 31, 2018

looking back on summer 2018


These summer storms have been keeping me pensive lately. In some ways, I feel like summer is just beginning, but looking back, it's actually nuts that so much has happened over the past few months (both good and bad). Today, I'm only sharing the good.

My summer has consisted of...

Graduating with my master's. Obviously one of the biggest moments of my summer (and probably life). It's been a long three years back in school and working at a restaurant again, but this chapter of my life is finally coming to a close.



Getting engaged! It's been almost three months since Ryan proposed. Since then, we've been easing into the wedding planning, but we've still knocked a few things out! More on that to follow in a later post.





Taylor Swift's Reputation tour with my girlfriends. In case you missed it on Instagram, we all dressed up in a variation of matching "I Heart TS" shirts (like from the Look What You Made Me Do music video, of course!) with high waisted shorts (I got these from Amazon and they are strangely amazing) and danced the night away. Despite our great seats, I managed to leave my glasses at home, so I couldn't exactly see everything the way I would have liked to. I scrolled through Taylor Swift hashtags the next morning and actually felt FOMO about a concert I attended. Sigh.




Staycationing at the Sandpearl on Clearwater Beach with girlfriends (again). Following graduation, Ryan and I initially wanted to take a trip together to celebrate. However, it's been a stressful time at work for him, so I ended up doing a little "staycation" for one night at a beautiful resort on one of the local beaches. We brunched, we beached, we conquered.


Blogger/"influencer" events. While I hardly feel like a blogger anymore, I've managed to get myself invited to a few local events which always keeps my spirits high. I love connecting with other bloggers and influencers in the area, and most times we get to do some pretty cool stuff together. I got to make this future house/wedding sign at AR Workshop, and hopped around downtown St. Pete for an exclusive block party featuring some of the cutest spots in the area.





Lots of reading! Now that I'm done with school, I've had alllll the time to read. This month I finished up Little Fires Everywhere, To All the Boys I Loved Before (so I could watch the movie...duh), and Firefly Lane, and now I'm reading Vanishing Girls. Guys, I really tried to get into Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis but I just could not. I totally get the appeal, but it simply wasn't my cup of tea. I ended up returning it after getting about 50 pages in...and then I got a new pair of shoes instead. Ohhh, Target.

My birthday at the beach! I had my heart set on a beach party to ring in my 27th birthday this year, and it did not disappoint. Neither did this one piece from Aerie. Still obsessed!





What were some of your favorite moments this summer?




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Tuesday, August 21, 2018

a little update in my newest season of life



I'm not quite sure how we've gotten past the midway point of August without so much as a blog post about me graduating (though I'm sure you're over hearing about it via Instagram), but here we are. I am a fresh little graduated petunia, and I'm scared out of my mind. But we will save that for a later date, yeah?

August has actually thrown me for an emotional loop. About a week after graduation, my grandad passed away. He'd been battling cancer for a number of years - was in remission for awhile before it came back and metastasized - but he's been in a lot of pain for the past year, so while I'm heartbroken, I'm also a tad relieved. I'm fortunate enough to be able to say that this is my first time dealing with the loss of a loved one, and it's definitely been a process. I posted a little something about it on my Instagram story on Sunday, which felt weird. I felt like I needed to acknowledge it in some way, but for the most part, I've been trying to keep it all pretty personal. So this is me acknowledging it again - not to say, "hey, feel sorry for me!" but to say "hey, sometimes social media makes it seem like things are pretty and perfect and all is going well in the world, when really, I'm crashing in ways that I don't necessarily want to talk about...but this is proof that it is happening." Does that make sense?

Shout out to Ryan for being a damn trooper during all of this - from hand holding to laundry, making dinner, and being on pooch patrol. I will say that I really lucked out in the life partner category.

In other lighter news, it's certainly weird to know that I'm not going back to school this week for the first time in three years. In some ways, the last few years felt like the longest of my life, but for the most part, they flew by. I've been job hunting and trying to find the right "fit," but I've also been trying to relax and enjoy this little season of unemployment. I'm still serving tables until then, so in between shifts I've been going to the gym, reading books, and getting together with friends.

To cap off this mixed up post, I figured I'd drop a little "currently" closer to keep you up to date with the frivolous bits in my life:

Reading: Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah and Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis.
Watching: Not a whole lot, honestly. I need to find something to binge watch.
Buying: These, these (which I would check your local store for...I bought them for $6.88 before the coupon!), and these from Target because they have a 30% off flat sandals coupon on Cartwheel (until August 25!). I nevvver buy shoes, so getting all three of these for less than $40 was a real treat. Additionally, I bought an Enso ring for work/the gym because I am deathly afraid of ring avulsion. I went for the pyramid stackable in pink sand.
Establishing: a morning routine. Well, attempting to, anyway. More on that later.
Attending (?): Taylor Swift's Reputation tour! I went with a group of girlfriends last week and to no surprise, Taylor killed it. I left my glasses at home (womp womp), so aside from the giant screen, I couldn't see her very well, but I had such a blast.
Booking: wedding things! If you follow along on Instagram, you'll see that we signed a contract with a venue in downtown St. Pete, and we are so pumped! Now to book everything else...yikes.






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Tuesday, July 31, 2018

wedding planning, vol. 1


So my series title needs a bit of work, but due to popular demand, I have decided to commence a semi-regular wedding planning blog series to keep everyone up to date on the whereabouts of the Future Fredericks and our eventual wedding.

(Note: there was no popular demand. Nobody asked. Moving on.)

It's been almost two months since Ryan and I got engaged. For the first couple of weeks, I tried to just enjoy being engaged. We popped a few bottles of bubbly, let our friends take us out to dinner, accepted cute gifts like personalized wine glasses and ring dishes. I reallt wanted to enjoy the 'cloud 9' phase that comes with being engaged before launching into wedding planning.

...but that time came and went when I emailed my top choice for a wedding venue and they were already booked for every Saturday in October 2019. YIKES.

Fact about me: when it comes to big decisions, I have an 'all or nothing' mentality. Translation: if I can't plan our entire wedding and calculate our exact budget in the next 15 minutes, it's not going to get done. When I get into this mindset, my mom tells me that my brain has hopped on its "hamster wheel." In other words, approximately 32984293 thoughts are running through my head at one time and I try to acknowledge, crack, and solve all of them in one fell swoop. Not an easy feat.

Thus, I am trying to tackle this whole wedding planning thing one day at a time while trying to keep it fun. After all, that's all we want our day to be: fun. We aren't an extravagant couple to begin with; we've even talked about having gourmet pizza at our wedding. But imagining a dream wedding and actually planning one are two completely different ballgames.

So far, we have...

  • Toured five venues, with a few more to check out in the next couple of weeks.
  • Decided that we are more than happy to have a Friday wedding. In fact, we prefer it.
  • Attended two bridal shows (well, I have). They give you a lot of free cake at these shindigs, which is worth the price of admission if you ask me.
  • Cried. Okay, I cried. Not sure why. I think "partake in unnecessary dramatics" is listed in a wedding to-do list somewhere.
  • Bought a cute little bullet journal as a wedding planner.
  • Not decided on our "colors." Pretty sure choosing colors falls into the "don't pet the sweaty stuff" category, but here I am, sweating the petty stuff.
  • Looked up 100+ photographers, 300+ venues, 20+ rental companies, etc.
  • Decided on a potential hashtag: #AreYouFreddyForIt? Ryan's last name is Fredericks (his nickname is Freddy), and it was obviously inspired by my favie Taylor Swift. In the running: #FreddySetGo and #FreddyOrNot. Can you think of any that include my last name (Rose)?! Let me know!

All in all, it is definitely a process. Wedding planning is not for the weak, and I am truly in awe of the individuals who pursue it as a career because good lawd, it can be stressful. But having said all that, it's also a lot of fun, and I'm trying to soak up every minute! 




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Friday, July 27, 2018

pre-graduation chit-chat



Almost three and a half years ago, I quit my job to begin my journey into speech-language pathology. Nearly two years after graduating college, I abandoned my initial bachelor's in mass communication in exchange for post-bacc classes and a GRE book. That first year was one of the most difficult years of my life - I questioned myself a lot, didn't feel smart enough, didn't feel good enough, cried in the shower, didn't get enough sleep. Once I actually got into graduate school, I did a lot of the same things.

...and now I'm eight days out from graduation and in the process of looking for jobs. Like a real-life, paying, not-working-on-weekends kinds of jobs. How did I even get here?

A lot of my friends have been messaging me things like "you're already done?! that went by so quickly!" And when I look back on my journey, I think the same thing. The days are long but the years are short and all that, right? 

My underlying message beneath my rambling is this: if there's something you want to achieve, but you're worried about the time it would take to complete, just start. Make the sacrifice, take the initiative, and simply begin where you can. The time is going to pass, anyway. As the end of my academic career nears, I rarely think about how difficult it was to get to this point; instead, I think about the light at the end of the tunnel and the future I built for myself. It was all worth it.

Is there something you've been wanting to do, but you're worried about the time commitment? Let me know in the comments!

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