On Feeling Thankful.

I've been wanting to participate in a couple "Thankful Thursday" linkups I've been seeing around the blogosphere as of late, but as per usual, I'm behind the times...well, mostly just behind. But that's neither here nor there! Thanksgiving is just a few days away, and it's even starting to feel a little chilly down here in Tampa (for the next 48 hours, anyway). Nothing puts me in a better mood than time appropriate fall weather. So without further ado, I will join the masses and address exactly what I'm thankful for this year, this week, this moment:

This year: 

• Getting into graduate school!
• Having a flexible job that allows me to work as much or as little as I need to.
• Having all around good health.
• Making new lifelong friends.
• My negotiation skills that landed me a beautiful new car with a killer monthly payment (& no down payment).
• Finally knowing exactly what I want to do in life, while also realizing that there might be dreams out there that I don't even realize I have yet. 

This week:

• Finding out I have an awesome supervisor for next semester...and I get to work with kiddos so soon!
• Having an experienced, intelligent supervisor this semester to guide me through the whirlwind that is clinic.
• Starbucks breaks & dinner dates.
• A clean apartment.
• New twinkly lights in the bedroom.
• Egg + turkey bacon + basil + tomato + spinach sandwiches.
• Realizing we have just 17 days until we go to NY! 

This moment:

• My hot soy chai tea latte.
• Chilly weather and cozy cardigans.
• Getting to love the best guy I know.

What are you thankful for? And more importantly, HOW EXCITED ARE YOU FOR THANKSGIVING?! Gimme all da ham, plz. 

On Cleansing Your Life.

I like to think that I'm generally a pretty happy, positive human being. I like to make others feel loved and appreciated, I'm not a fan of confrontation, and the idea of offending someone I care about shakes me to my core. But I'm nowhere near a perfect person, and it's easy for me to veer off course - to create my own personal drama, to engulf myself in somebody else's, to complain my way into a black hole of bitterness.

Because of this, I think it's so important to regularly cleanse your life in every sense of the word. I know when we hear the word "cleanse," most of us probably think of the latest juicing fast, doing yoga for 24 hours straight, or drinking pureed cucumbers to reset our bodies after a weekend of drinking or eating a large stuffed crust pizza all on our own. Proper physical cleansing is great for your mind and body after a seemingly toxic weekend, but I think there's also something to be said for ridding yourself of emotional toxins...starting with your environment and the company you keep.

When I feel myself slipping into a deep, dark abyss of griping, I try to take a mental step back and figure out what's really going on. What's sparking my negative attitude? Am I surrounding myself with genuine, positive people? Is this type of behavior what I want to be remembered for? I make a mental note of these answers, and I adjust myself accordingly.

So next time you find yourself acting "like a little bitch," if you will, make an effort to cleanse your life in every aspect. Clean out your closet and donate some clothes, take a hot shower and then a long nap, go for a run and make a healthy snack...or take a look around and close a chapter on a friendship, a job, or simply a way of life that is no longer serving a positive purpose in your life. Your future self will thank you for it.

On Feeling Inadequate.

Have you ever worked so hard for something, gotten it, only to be borderline petrified once you finally have it? Because that's 1000% been me during my first two days in graduate school.

I worked my ass off in pre-requisite classes last year, observed more than 100 hours of therapy, slaved over the GRE and the overall application process...and it all paid off. I got accepted to my top choice, I'm a graduate student, and in two years, I'm going to be a speech-language pathologist. Wowza.

Despite all that, there's a part of me that still feels out of place. I'm surrounded by so many hardworking women (and a whopping 2-3 men!) and brilliant professors and I'm sitting here thinking, "how did they let my scraggly self in here?" I'm hardly a Type A, I've never been "the very best" at anything, I haven't known that I've wanted to do this my entire life. Was it just dumb luck that they let me in here?!

No. No, no, no, no, no. 

It's so easy to fall into the self-deprecating trap of telling yourself you don't deserve to be where you are and to have what you've worked so hard to have. We deflect compliments and claim dumb luck for our greatest accomplishments. Maybe it's in the name of humility, but maybe it's also a load of crap.

Getting into grad school wasn't dumb luck; it was hard work and well deserved. Quitting my well paying job to go back to school for something new wasn't no big deal; it was a huge effing deal. And I'm realizing that it's entirely okay to feel overwhelmed, terrified, nervous, etc. during a major life change, but it is never okay to let yourself feel inadequate or undeserving when you've worked your ass off to get to where you want to be.

Having said that, I am certainly ready to kick off my first semester of graduate school! Anyone else back in school this week? 

Also, in case you missed it on Instagram, here is my official badge for the next two years! Samantha Rose, graduate clinician...hip hop hurray!

On Handling Life's Curveballs.

To my core, I am a planner.

I spend too much money on fresh agendas at the beginning of every school year. I extensively research every restaurant I plan to eat at while on vacation. I schedule date nights with friends at least two weeks in advance.

So when it was brought to my attention that my 2008 Nissan Sentra needed a couple thousand bucks worth of maintenance and replacements, let’s just say that I was not prepared.

I’ve spent the last week walking in and out of car dealerships by myself. I feel like I’m back in my networking days with all of the “warm lead” calls I’ve been subjected to in the last 72 hours. I’ve researched and haggled, and researched and haggled some more. It is, indeed, a grueling process.

And I am exhausted.

But strangely enough, it feels good to be doing this on my own. Not just with my own money (okay, that part doesn’t feel THAT good), but visiting dealerships on my own, test driving on my own, not giving into salespeople’s shit on my own. It’s a learning process, and I think we can always be thankful for a chance to learn about ourselves and what kind of person we are capable of being.

Just a little reminder that “unexpected” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad.” I’m not exactly thrilled to be dishing out some extra change each month, but it will feel good to feel safe in my own vehicle, which I haven’t in awhile. I was banking on ol’ Bessie Blue (my car…) to get me through the next two years of graduate school, but sometimes things don’t work out the way you planned. And that's okay.

Have you ever dealt with buying/leasing your own car? If anyone is interested in some tips on negotiating with car salespeople, let me know! I feel like a borderline expert at this point. Not really, but really.