Monday, December 8, 2014

Finding my passion

I see quotes plastered over Instagram and Pinterest to "Work Hard, Follow Your Dreams, Follow Your Passion, It Can Happen, It Will Happen," blah blah blah. I've always kind of disregarded those, mostly because I have no idea what my "dream" is. I don't know what I want to work hard for. Money? Maybe. Ultimately, I don't know what my passion is.

The last couple of weeks, I've done a lot of self-reflection and soul searching. And by reflection and soul searching, I mean I've been calling myself out on my own crap and trying to figure out what to do about it. I was talking over hot tea with my mom yesterday afternoon, and openly admitted in my out loud voice that my whole life, I've always kind of expected good things to fall into my lap. 

When I was young and desperately wanted to become an actress, I went to acting classes and tried out for a couple of plays and thought that would be enough. I didn't actively study the craft; I didn't watch old films, or spend hours researching method acting. I just wanted it, did the bare minimum, and expected it to be enough. In college, I knew I didn't want to go to graduate school, so I settled for B's instead of striving for A's. Working as a server, I knew I didn't want to become a manager for the restaurant, so I didn't pick up extra shifts or do extra work. 

I'm painting myself to be an overall lazy person, and to be honest, I'm really not. I do exactly what I'm asked, when I'm asked. When a task calls for hard work, I work hard. But I guess I'm not entirely sure what I'm striving for, what I'm working for. I've never set any real goals for myself, mostly because I don't believe I would actually obtain them. That's a pretty sad thing to admit, but I guess that's the first step to progress right? I'll keep ya posted on that. 

Happy Monday! XO


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