Friday, December 4, 2015

On excuses.

Something I've learned about myself this year: Once I stop making excuses for myself, I can accomplish anything I want.

Really novel stuff, right? Maybe not.

At the beginning of the school year, I was constantly flustered. I was a mess in a dress, on the brink of a mental breakdown at any given moment. I was broke for the first time...probably ever. My communication science & disorders classes were a complete mystery to me; half the time I felt like I was studying a different language. In fact, if you count learning the International Phonetic Alphabet, I guess I kind of was. I was so preoccupied trying to get my volunteer and observation hours documented while striving for A's and thinking about grad school that I felt like just stopping to breathe for too long might send me into a stress induced frenzy. I'm pretty sure I put on a few pounds too, because I claimed I never had the time to work out. Every day I thought to myself, "was this a good plan? Am I happy? Because I feel like I'm losing my mind."

Maybe I was. Maybe I still am. But for once, I feel confident in myself. Somehow, fingers crossed, I will probably end up with all A's this semester (minus hearing science because...well...I hate it). I slowed down on observation hours. I started waking up earlier to get a work out in because I knew it would make me feel better about myself; now my work out is my "me time." While my grad school apps aren't completed yet, they will be in just under two months, and it'll be time to throw my hands in the air and let it be what it will be.

The point is: I never thought I could do any of this. Becoming a speech-language pathologist always felt like something that was "too smart" for me. But I'm slowly finding out that maybe it isn't after all.

Prior to this semester, I didn't know what it was like to get an A on an exam. Now I'm upset when I don't. Prior to a few weeks ago, I thought being in school full time and working was a decent enough excuse to stop working out. Now I look forward to squeezing in early morning work outs. All semester, I've been telling myself that I'm not good enough to get into grad school. Now I am feeling more motivated than ever to apply. 

So if you find yourself struggling, change your mindset. It won't happen right away...but slowly, you will become bigger than your excuses.

And with that, happy Friday! I'll be studying for finals all weekend, but we will also be decorating the Christmas tree tomorrow night, so it's not all bad :)


1 comment

  1. I totally know what you mean. I never felt like A's on tests or for the whole course were ever attainable or possible for me. And it was pretty discouraging. But now if I don't get A's I get upset with myself that I could have studied harder. Sorry you had a stressful school year, but it's almost the holidays and you'll get a nice break :)


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