Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Messy, Inconsistent Living.

I'm going to get real honest with you today, my friends.

Most mornings, I hit the snooze button for an extra 5, 10, 30 minutes of sleep, dependent upon the amount of responsibility I have to tend to that day. I have no semblance of a real routine, as I'll usually head straight to the coffee maker, plop onto the chaise bit of my couch, and catch up on BlogLovin' (or the #nsale, duh) before really beginning my day. It might sound luxurious, having all this extra time to spend "waking up." Except truthfully, I make myself way too comfortable and suddenly I have 10 minutes to take the dogs out, get my shit together, and become a real life human. AKA I'm a self-induced stress fest nearly every day.

Most days, I eat pretty well. I'm like one of my fave celebrities on the cover of every women's health magazine you've ever read: "in the mornings I'll have an omelette or oats, a salad for lunch, and grilled protein with veggies for dinner because #omgHEALTH." I work out anywhere from 2-5 times a week because I like to keep myself guessing. I don't drink during the week unless there's a special occasion because I don't want to waste the calories. But come Friday night, you'll find me two 24 oz. margaritas deep with the promise of bottomless mimosas at brunch the next day because it's all about balance, right? Still wondering why my rock hard abs haven't surfaced yet (JK I am not wondering).

As a grad student, I rarely start assignments early. Due tomorrow means do tomorrow, right? Okay, just kidding, I'm not that bad. But I have a job, and a boyfriend, and friends that aren't in my school program. I make a lot of time for myself and my work & social schedule during the weekend, and then I kick myself in the ass for it during the week when I stay up until 3 a.m. with an 8 a.m. wake up call. But here's the thing: whatever it is, it always gets done, and I have a 3.9 GPA to show for it (damn you, voice disorders, for that B+). I may not be the "model" student, but I'm still learning, and I still do a pretty good job at what I do.

Sometimes I go weeks without writing in my journal, without picking up a novel, without creating a meaningful blog post. Sometimes I would rather sit in front of the TV or play Candy Crush or scroll mindlessly through social media than be creative. I've accepted the fact that about 98% of my outfits are not Instagram worthy, that I'm not super phenomenal at applying bronzer (or any kind of makeup, actually), that I'm not a perfect human (obvssss).

I guess what I'm getting at with all this self-deprecation is that I kind of enjoy this messy life - a life that doesn't always need to be documented via social media (although I still try, let's be real). As much as I love (and I mean LOVE) my favorite fashion bloggers and their perfectly curated feeds, I'm kind of okay with my saggy Abercrombie jeggings and $16 Target slides. I'm okay with clothes on the floor and dishes in the sink because it means I'm too busy living life and making plans to worry about the inconsequential bits. Not to say I don't appreciate beautiful clothing and a clean house...but I think we all put a lot of pressure on ourselves to live our lives a certain way, don't we? I feel like, in the blogging world especially, we're constantly thinking of ways to better ourselves - to get to the next step, to make way for the future - whether it's a green smoothie or a new business idea, writing a novel or buying a house.

My "take home" today is that I think it's okay to not have your life together every waking moment. It's okay to just be doing the best you can be, to live a full and heart warming life. It's okay to not be perfect. You're not an awful person if you don't meditate every morning (having said that, you are an awesome person if you do that every morning - but you're equally as awesome if you don't). You're not a bad blogger if you don't make the time to write for awhile. You're not a lazy person if you prefer to pick and choose the days that you conquer your own little world. Messy, inconsistent lives can be a real treat. Don't beat yourself up, and enjoy the ride. Self, I am talking to you.

Can you relate?


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