Monday, March 5, 2018

that overwhelming, scintillating feeling of change

I have an overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be changing very quickly, very soon.

At the beginning of a brand new year, we all toast to the idea of change, to better things, to new adventures. January 1st marks the commencement of new resolutions, and everything feels unknown, and the changes we anticipate, the trips we organize, the plans we make feel attainable...but they also feel far away.

As we enter March, the third month of 2018, my plans and goals for the year are starting to come together...sort of. We purchased our plane tickets and booked the rental car for my best friend's upcoming wedding in North Carolina. I finally set a real, legitimate goal for myself and lost six pounds last month. I snagged a deal on my cap and gown from a prior graduate for my own graduation day in just 152 days. I'm more than halfway through my externship at the hospital, and it's already time to make a selection for my final placement. Even more thrilling and horrifying than that, it's nearly time to start applying for my Clinical Fellowship year (hell, some of my friends are already interviewing and being offered jobs). Ryan and I are actively talking about when we'll get married, when we'll buy a house (!!!), etc. Seriously...everything feels so exciting right now.

But with excitement comes the nerves. Entering the working world again felt like a foreign concept to me when I began my "new" academic journey three years ago, and now it's less than a half year out. Recently, I've been feeling like I've been in a rut: a bit run down, not a lot of trips to look forward to, relying on student loans more than I ever have...I don't even love the book I'm currently reading (someone please tell me that Beartown by Fredrik Backman gets better? 100 pages in and it is a snooze fest for me right now). Taking a step back and looking at my current situation - this semester, this month, this year as a whole - I actually have a lot happening and a lot to look forward to.

I have quite literally no idea where I'm going to be by the end of the year, and the possibilities feel endless. In some ways, that's unbearably daunting. But in most ways, it's quite a time to be alive. 

How is 2018 developing for you?


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