Thursday, August 15, 2019

the summer i spent planning a wedding

I'd like to say that I've been relishing in the slowness of summer, but that would be a lie. I haven't thrown a hamburger patty on the grill (or watched anyone else do it, for that matter) or spent a full day on the beach sans lightning bolts and downpours.

Instead, I've been tying up loose ends and booking last minute wedding vendors. Rather than soaking up the hot summer heat, I've been taking my time and trying to enjoy every last second of wedding planning before it's all over in just 58 days.

When we got engaged in June 2018, we had it in our head that we wanted to get married on the anniversary of our first date. It fell on a Saturday in October 2019, so it felt like it was meant to be. With it being over a year away, it would be a long engagement, but I was making approximately $300 a week working as a server, and I didn't feel like I was in any position to start spending money on a wedding just yet.

In truth, I knew that this season of life would never come again, and that I wanted to soak up every moment - the good and the bad. And believe me, there's been a bit of both.

Nearly a week after accumulating a shiny new diamond on my left hand, I was perusing Pinterest and Style Me Pretty, browsing venues, and day dreaming about jewel tone color schemes...before changing my mind sixteen times, of course. When you first get engaged, the wedding world is your oyster. That is, until you realize your oyster prefers to eat all your money instead of plankton.

So we talked it over quite a bit. Do we really need a wedding? Is it worth it? Should we just elope? Hop over to Norway with a travel photographer for some bomb photographs, jet off to the Maldives, head down to the courthouse. After all, we'd been together for nearly five years at the time. Did we need the "show"?

These questions consumed my mind until one morning after I woke up from my first wedding-related dream. We were having a simple backyard wedding. It was dark outside, but we didn't have any lights. I was sitting next to Ryan at our sweetheart table, and I was trying to talk to one of our guests when I realized it was too dark to see them. Then I realized that hardly anyone was there at all. I turned to Ryan and I said, "I guess...I just wanted something more than this."

Strange as it was, that's when I knew. Subconsciously, I wanted a big day, and as it turns out, Ryan did, too. Nothing extravagant, no going crazy over minute details, something semi-small. But nevertheless, a wedding. Now we're 431 days post-proposal day, and I'm less than two months out from having a husband and, you know, being a wife, and claiming that responsibility in front of 100 of our family members and friends, and I am pumped.

I wanted a longer engagement because I knew this time in our lives was going to just fly by, and it has. The Monday morning following my bridal shower, I dragged myself into work with a little less pep in my step because it was one less thing to look forward to in my little wedding world.

So for the next 58 days, I'm going to try to savor every last moment of "being a bride." Every plan, every email, every decision, even when it feels overwhelming. Because to be honest, it's been pretty damn fun...especially all the food I've gotten to eat. 10/10 recommend having a wedding solely to have cake tastings, FYI.


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