Never Alone.

I think it is so important to have genuine, wonderful people in your life. It's more important than money, it's more important than a successful career. At least to me it is.

It's been a stressful couple of weeks for me. Okay, it's been a stressful couple of months for me. I feel like I'm still trying to adjust to the industry I work in - I'm constantly trying to find new strategies, new ideas, new ways for people to tell me 'yes,' or at least get them to give me a straight up 'no.' I rarely get a pat on the back of a job well done, and that isn't something I'm used to. It's frustrating and disheartening at times, and I know that there isn't much I can really do about it.

What gets me through the day is knowing that I don't have to face all of my crazy days alone. I'm surrounded by my friends and family who motivate me. I have my wonderful boyfriend who inspires me to push through, work hard and be the best that I can be. To me, personal relationships have always been more important than making money. And maybe that will change eventually. But I sure hope it doesn't. XO

Barefoot blue jean nights ahead!

My sister is an outdoor enthusiast. And no, I don't mean she's outdoorsy in the sense that there's nothing she loves more than a good hike. Having said that, she's always down for a hike, but I digress.

What I mean is that she probably spends more than half of her day on her patio, will always opt for outdoor seating at a restaurant, bar or cafe, etc. I used to find this borderline annoying, but as I'm getting older, I'm discovering how much of an outdoor enthusiast I am.

Lately I've noticed how often I'd rather sit outside when I go out to eat, when I grab a drink at Starbucks or a fro-yo with my boyfriend. I've especially noticed how excited I am to decorate my outdoor patio at my new apartment. I've been actively pinning my favorite ideas (surprise, surprise) here and here. I even bought this bad boy last weekend:

Half the ideas on my "Perfect Garden" board are out of reach for a rented patio, but these are some of my favorites:

I love the idea of an outdoor rug. I think it's an easy way to make a small space look homey. Having said that, rugs aren't exactly a cheap thrill, so we'll see where I'm at on funds with that. I think the wine bottle lighting is an awesome idea - these are obviously pictured inside, but I think it would be cuter in an outdoor space. I'm also really into gardening lately...okay, so I have one succulent and a growing tomato plant which slightly resembles weeds. But anyway, growing an herb garden in mason jars sounds like the perfect DIY project. 

I'm so excited to see how everything comes together! Here's to plenty of summer nights on the patio! XO

The Semi-Annual Swim Suit Sob Fest.

Learning to be comfortable with myself and my body is probably one of the biggest struggles I have....along with millions upon millions of girls and women across the globe. No surprise here: we can't all look like Victoria's Secret models. Or maybe we can, but we like cupcakes and margaritas just a little too much to give them up.

When I was 18 going on 19, I started losing weight. It wasn't necessarily a "decision" to get healthy; it was challenging myself to go to the gym or go running almost every day. I didn't let myself have excuses. I remember it was 40 degrees out one night (if you speak fluent Floridian, that's the equivalent of 15 degrees) and I bundled up in a long sleeve shirt, a sweatshirt, a hat, leggings and sweatpants, and I took my happy ass out for a three mile run around campus. I stopped drinking soda and eating crap and the weight melted off. It was such a shock for my body to start consuming healthy foods and wayyyy less sugar, I think it kind of went into panic mode.

Twenty five pounds down was my lowest weight and my happiest - of course I still wanted to be thinner, but I plateaued and kind of stopped caring. I fluctuated. I still fluctuate. Since my lowest weight, I've gained ten pounds. Not everyone can see it, but I can feel it, and that's the worst feeling.

Tonight I tried on a few swim suits I ordered from Victoria's Secret online. I tried a couple different styles that were a little out of my comfort zone. Some Brazilian cuts, a string bikini top, etc. I looked in the mirror and I'm going to be honest: I wanted to cry.

Maybe it's my birth control shot. Maybe it's because I just came back from dinner. Maybe it's because I'm delirious after a 12 hour work day. I just felt awful about myself. I didn't like the way anything fit, I didn't like how I felt in anything.

I took them all off and tried to adjust my mentality. Not every swim suit style is going to look great on me. Sure, I'm known for my booty [sorry, not sorry], but that doesn't mean that a brazilian cut swim suit is going to fit my body perfectly. I don't have boobs - string bikini tops do nothing for girls with no boobs (and girls who aren't thin/super fit).

And you know what? That's fine. That's perfectly fine.

I'm not going to say that I had a sudden rush of confidence, because I didn't. I still told myself that I need to stop making excuses and just go to the gym and eat better. But I also told myself that it's okay to have bad days; it's okay to only look good in full bottom swim suits and push up tops.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this. I guess what I'm trying to say is, while I would 100% love to be Karlie Kloss - I am not. I never will be. But with true determination and hard work, I can be the best version of myself. I just want to be comfortable...and while it isn't always an easy journey, it is a journey that will forever be worth the trek. XO

Sowwy, guys.

For the few of you who actually read this bad boy on the regular, I'm sorry my posts have been so sporadic lately. Half the time (at least this week...month end, my fave!) I'm utterly consumed with work, or running errands, spending time with friends/family/Ryan, etc. 

...the other half? I just have no idea what to write about. I don't know what's worth writing about, or what people would care about. 

I guess that's kind of the cool thing about blogging - it's not for anyone else. I don't expect to ever make money from this blog. I don't expect to become a famous blog. Hell, I don't expect more than five people to view this blog per day. I write here (and in my own personal journal) so I can remember later how I felt, what I thought, or what I wanted in the past. 

So here's to not caring! I don't know what I want to post about, but I know I want to post more often. That's a start, right? XO

So much to make it better this Monday!

Another weekend has come and gone and while I thought I was mentally prepared for work this week, this particular Monday is giving me second thoughts. At least I had a great weekend (see above picture of a mimosa...need I say more?), so I can't be too down today. Plus, I have loads of things to look forward to this week to "make it better." Ya know? 

1. Zumba tonight! I had to skip it last week, so I'm excited to shake it tonight. I'm really going to miss going every Monday night when I move. My instructor really is the bomb dot com; other Zumba classes don't even compare. Trust me, I've tried.
2. I'm taking my mom to get pedicures tomorrow night as a late Mother's Day gift. I think I need to start making professional pedicures a biweekly expense. I wear heels to work almost every day and it's taking a toll on my poor leetle feet. 
3. I'm going to my second Rays game of the year with my dad Wednesday night. It's his office's game night out, and he gets excited to show me off. He's such a fruit loop. I love me some baseball, so I'm pumped!
4. This weekend, Ryan and I and a couple of our friends are heading down to Venice Beach for a beer festival. Initially I was a little disappointed about missing a margarita festival in our own city, but I got over that in about two minutes. I'm so excited to spend Memorial Day weekend out at the beach with some really great people.

Toooo much to look forward to this week, and Monday's already almost over! Crossing my fingers for a speedy week, lots of sales, and another sigh of relief come Friday afternoon. XO