Wednesday, August 24, 2016

On Feeling Inadequate.

Have you ever worked so hard for something, gotten it, only to be borderline petrified once you finally have it? Because that's 1000% been me during my first two days in graduate school.

I worked my ass off in pre-requisite classes last year, observed more than 100 hours of therapy, slaved over the GRE and the overall application process...and it all paid off. I got accepted to my top choice, I'm a graduate student, and in two years, I'm going to be a speech-language pathologist. Wowza.

Despite all that, there's a part of me that still feels out of place. I'm surrounded by so many hardworking women (and a whopping 2-3 men!) and brilliant professors and I'm sitting here thinking, "how did they let my scraggly self in here?" I'm hardly a Type A, I've never been "the very best" at anything, I haven't known that I've wanted to do this my entire life. Was it just dumb luck that they let me in here?!

No. No, no, no, no, no. 

It's so easy to fall into the self-deprecating trap of telling yourself you don't deserve to be where you are and to have what you've worked so hard to have. We deflect compliments and claim dumb luck for our greatest accomplishments. Maybe it's in the name of humility, but maybe it's also a load of crap.

Getting into grad school wasn't dumb luck; it was hard work and well deserved. Quitting my well paying job to go back to school for something new wasn't no big deal; it was a huge effing deal. And I'm realizing that it's entirely okay to feel overwhelmed, terrified, nervous, etc. during a major life change, but it is never okay to let yourself feel inadequate or undeserving when you've worked your ass off to get to where you want to be.

Having said that, I am certainly ready to kick off my first semester of graduate school! Anyone else back in school this week? 

Also, in case you missed it on Instagram, here is my official badge for the next two years! Samantha Rose, graduate clinician...hip hop hurray!






2 comments:

  1. Good luck in grad school! You know you deserve to be there. I use to be a nanny for a little girl with dyslexia and she suffered from terrible anxiety. I took her each summer to visit with her speech language pathologist and it really helped her grow and learn to function easier on her own. You'll really be making a difference in people lives and that is something to be proud of.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for this comment. I know it's a helping profession, but it really does make my heart happy when I hear individual stories about SLPs truly making a positive difference in someone's life. Again, thank you for the kind words!

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